My Day As A Spaniard

Last week I decided to turn myself into a Spaniard. If you don't know Spaniard is Spanish for someone from Spain. However, Spaniards also define filial piety, they are hairy and mustachioed, and on top of that are total fencing masters. Almost anyone can learn this from watching "The Princess Bride" just like me. My day as a Spaniard was a life changing experience.

I started the day with the ritual chant of a Spaniard, "My name is Inigo Montoya, you killed my father, prepare to die." I sat up and ran my fingers through my new mustaches and shoulder length hair. Sexy, was the only thought I could conjure. I went to the kitchen to get breakfast but noticed a tugging on my hip. At first I thought, "I've gotten my penis stuck somewhere again", but when I checked it wasn't my exquisitely crafted dick but an exquisitely crafted sword. I still wasn't sure if I had misplaced my manhood but it didn't even matter now, I had the ultimate manhood. "Breakfast is what people do when they don't have swords!", I screamed as I marched out the door.

Glory awaits any who carry a sword, and peering out from above my mustaches I knew I wasn't going to be waiting long. For you readers following along at home, you should turn this song on http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2DB7-K08vos&feature=related. Across the street strode my nemesis, Mark. Mark was the kind of guy who never shaved but had the worst mustache ever and spent most of his day lying to your face about bullshit he had never actually done. He also had only 9 fingers. It was time to get even. I swaggered across the street Spaniard style and challenged him straight up to a duel. "6 FINGERED MAN," I ejaculated, "My name is Inigo Montoya, you killed my father, prepare to die." His eyes flashed from my mustaches to my exposed ultimate manhood before flashing to the inside of his skull as he fainted. I was disappointed but as a Spaniard I had the education that let me know he was going to be fine. I also realized he had only five fingers after all but his lying bullshit earned some slash's on his cheeks.

Starting to think that music was queued at the wrong time? THINK AGAIN, it's just getting good. From out of nowhere everything started to get dark. "Glory!" I whispered to no one but you, reader, you alone. A beast materialized from the darkness and these 4 guys started climbing off it's back. They had come for me and my sword, jealous of my awesome power. I struck like lightning infused with snake blood, yeah, the FAST kind of snake. My sword had skewered through two of their necks before any of us even realized lightning and snake blood probably doesn't mix, no matter how fast a snake is. The other two backed off a bit and raised their own weapons. "What in God's name are you doing?", they shouted, but everything started to go red and yellow. You can't just be a Spaniard like putting on a mask I realized, you start to become a Spaniard. It starts taking control, like Venom in Spiderman 3 (fun movie by the way). I lost control and the Spaniard took over. I felt the blood of the two men splash hot on my hands and face before I wholly lost consciousness as the Spaniard took complete control.

I woke up some time later surrounded by trees, with blood on my sword and a bottle of Catalan wine in my hands. I wasn't sure where the two had come from, or how long they had been there, but I did know I was now and forever the holder of an amazing power. I was a Spaniard now. "My name is Inigo Montoya, you killed my father, prepare to die." I calmly stated as I rose and started walking out of the trees. Out of the trees, and towards my destiny.