Snow Day

SNOW DAY! Almost, we're supposed to get something close to a foot of snow though between now and tomorrow and everything is already covered. What the fuck is this crap. There is no scientific reason that can be found for the cause of this snow. I'm pissed at this, no one fucking snows on me when I don't want it. I'm trying to fight back at this unwarranted snow attack. I've been throwing snow back up into the sky and screaming at the cosmos to right this wrong. My neighbor saw me while I was out shouting at the clouds and made one of those patented bullshit faces. It was a combination of condescension, pity, and amusement, all dominated mainly by fear. He looked a little like this http://tinypic.com/view.php?pic=33dcjts&s=5 (P.S. this dude is not an alien, in fact I bet he's pretty cool). I made a mental note, "My neighbor is a horrifying alien." Good news right? Aliens are here and among us, but they are pretty much just stretched out babies in turtlenecks and can be treated as such. It was then that I made the connection. Stretched out babies? Snow at an odd time of the year? Yes, I may not be a doctor, but I could figure out this little mathematical equation. Aliens had summoned the snows from the infinite reaches of space. Just you wait, it's gonna start snowing everywhere soon. It's all part of the alien master plan. When we flee to the stores to buy turtlenecks to keep us warm from the sudden ice age, guess what we'll find? STRETCHED OUT BABIES WRAPPED IN TURTLENECKS. We'll slowly freeze to death like the vicious, cold blooded, dinosaurs we are. IF WE LET IT HAPPEN. Like I said earlier, my neighbor feared me. We can strike at them before they get us. Next time you see someone you think might be an alien, grill them on Earth's history. If you ask them what the greatest invention ever was and they answer flux capacitor instead of something like the wheel or sex they might be an alien. If you ask them what planet they want to destroy and they answer Earth they might be an alien. The best thing to do is don't let on that you know their secret identity. Then stock up on turtlenecks, steal any of theirs if you are skilled enough. Turn their trick back on them. Soon WE'LL be wrapped in turtlenecks while they melt in the glowing heat of our icy vengeance.